Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Randomize
