THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
