He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
