I'm going to rape someone's good day.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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