just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
