What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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