I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
