Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
