Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
