My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
