her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
