it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize