Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
