With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
