Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
