Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
