so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
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