I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
