i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
