Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize