I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
We don't watch enough power rangers
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
