tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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