I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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