I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
