He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
