You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
