Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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