It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
