if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
