You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
