we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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