You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
