Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Every concussion has its silver lining
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
