The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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