dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
