How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
