do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
There's a naked man in my car right now.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
