I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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