Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize