So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
