dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
