I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Still dying that you shit outside
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
