so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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