I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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