I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
is wine microwaveable?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
