I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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