I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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