can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
