how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
