You really coming over, don't trick.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
