I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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