whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
