i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Randomize
