when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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