the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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