When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize