she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
