You're so nebulous sometimes
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
