Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
