I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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