U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
