I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
