should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
