i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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