would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
