I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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