i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
